The Cynic: December 12

BUSINESS
This Week’s Business News

Trump’s AI Order Runs Into Lawyers, Governors, and Fine Print

Trump told states to back off regulating AI, and the states immediately lawyered up. His new executive order aims to override state-level AI rules by threatening lawsuits and even limiting access to certain federal broadband funds.

Tech companies love the idea of one national standard — courts aren’t so sure. Legal experts say the administration may not actually have authority to tie funding to AI rules, leaving key parts of the order on shaky constitutional ground.

Even some Republican governors aren’t thrilled about federal overreach. Analysts estimate the administration’s odds of winning these fights at roughly one-third, meaning this could become the most litigated trade policy since… well, trade policy.

Musk’s Mars Dream Adds Risk to the Red-Hot SpaceX IPO

Only Musk could make the biggest IPO ever sound like a GoFundMe for Mars. Investors expect SpaceX’s potential 2026 debut to raise tens of billions and push its valuation past $1 trillion.

Starlink is the moneymaker — Mars is the wildcard. Analysts warn that colonizing another planet isn’t exactly the kind of short-term cash flow public markets adore.

But everyone buying in knows this movie. Musk’s big, insane ideas have a habit of turning into industries, so investors are willing to tolerate a little volatility… and the occasional interplanetary detour.

Netflix’s $72B Warner Bros Deal Faces Doubts Over Its “YouTube Rivalry” Argument

Netflix says it needs Warner Bros to compete with YouTube, and regulators are doing the world’s slowest blink. The deal would create a streaming super-giant with more than 400 million subscribers.

The problem is YouTube isn’t even in the same business model. Paid, scripted streaming isn’t the same as free, ad-supported TikTok-adjacent chaos — and antitrust lawyers know it.

Under new merger rules, Netflix has a steeper hill to climb. If internal documents don’t clearly show YouTube as a direct competitor, the argument evaporates — and regulators get to ask the simpler question: “So how much will prices go up after this?”

Before we get back to overpriced houses and underpaid buyers…

If you’ve ever wanted to buy commercial real estate without needing billionaire money or billionaire stress, this is probably the closest you’ll get. 

Prices are down, opportunities are weirdly good, and yes — regular people can actually get in on it:

A New way to Earn Income from Real Estate

Commercial property prices are down as much as 40%, and AARE is buying income-producing buildings at rare discounts. Their new REIT lets everyday investors in on the opportunity, paying out at least 90% of its income through dividends. You can even get up to 15% bonus stock in AARE.

Become an AARE shareholder.

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REAL ESTATE
This Week’s Real Estate News

Homeowners Are Losing Equity — But Most Still Sit on Big Gains

More than half of U.S. homes lost value over the past year, but it’s more bruise than break. The share of homes dipping in value is the highest since 2012.

The worst pain is in the West and South. Markets like Austin and Denver — last year’s show-offs — are now giving back some of that pandemic sizzle.

But this isn’t a crisis; it’s a correction. Most owners are still up massively compared to when they bought, even if their Zillow-flexing privileges have been temporarily suspended.

A Fed Rate Cut Helps Your Borrowing — and Gently Punches Your Savings

The December rate cut makes debt slightly cheaper and savings slightly sadder. The Fed trimmed another quarter point, lowering the benchmark rate to its lowest level in nearly three years.

Mortgages and credit cards will drift down — slowly. Long-term rates follow bond markets, so nothing plummets overnight, but the trend should be friendlier for borrowers.

Savers, meanwhile, will see APYs quietly shrink. High-yield accounts always follow the Fed down, not up — but if you’ve been waiting to refinance or knock down some debt, this cut is your green light.

Esusu Turns Rent Payments Into Credit Scores — and Hits a $1.2B Valuation

Someone finally realized rent is a bill, not a personality trait. Esusu raised $50 million at a $1.2 billion valuation to keep expanding its platform that lets renters build credit simply by paying on time.

The problem they’re solving is embarrassingly obvious. Over 100 million Americans rent, but most landlords don’t report payments, leaving millions invisible to the credit system despite paying their biggest bill each month.

Esusu’s model is simple: report rent, build credit, unlock loans. Users often see scores jump by dozens of points, proving that the easiest fintech innovation is sometimes just fixing something the system forgot to do.

FUN
Riddle Me This

A CEO, an AI model, and a middle manager walk into a budget meeting. By the end of Q4, only two of them are still on payroll, and both insist they “created most of the value.”

Who got cut?

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ADVICE
This Week’s Business Advice

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